Unlearning to Believe Again

For Anyone on a Faith Journey Like Mine

I’m writing this blog for those who, like me, are navigating a personal journey of faith — discovering, unlearning, and rebuilding a deeper, more personal relationship with God. This is my story — the story of why I left the religion I was born into and how I began to seek a faith that felt truly mine.

Have you ever felt like you were living inside a cave — learning life only by the shadows dancing on its walls — and then one day, you step outside and realize the world is much bigger, brighter, and more complex than you were taught? No matter how much you try to reconcile the life you knew inside with what you’re now experiencing outside, they simply don’t align. That’s what my spiritual awakening felt like.

As a child, I was taught to live a certain way. Every belief handed to me became my truth — because that’s how children learn: through repetition, environment, and example. As a mother, I now see that clearly in my own children. They believe what I say and do — not because they’ve reasoned it out, but because they trust me. This is the weight of influence.

Then comes adolescence — the season of questions, confusion, and identity. It’s a critical stage where teens begin to wonder: Do my beliefs align with my reality? With who I am? It’s also the time when our LGBTQ+ youth, in particular, face an uphill battle — often misunderstood, judged, or silenced. My heart has always been with them. They don’t need condemnation. They need compassion, mentors, and safe spaces to grow.

Adulthood brought even more clarity — and disillusionment. I saw firsthand how toxic culture can creep into even the most spiritual spaces. The crab mentality, power struggles, envy, judgment — all under the banner of religion. I’ve come to believe that culture shapes faith just as much as doctrine does. And when you’re constantly surrounded by toxicity, no amount of “toughing it out” can keep you from feeling spiritually drained. You can’t stay whole when you’re rotting among rotten fruit.

I’m also slowly unlearning the belief that I was somehow better because of my religion. When only 0.01% of the world shares your faith, it’s easy to fall into the trap of spiritual superiority. But the truth is, goodness and godliness exist far beyond the walls of any one church. I’ve met incredible people of all beliefs, each deeply committed to living righteously in their own way. And I realized — the sacrifices I once made for my faith? They’re not unique. Others give just as much for theirs.

Religion is powerful when you fully believe. It’s easy to give 100% when there’s no doubt. But what happens when doubt creeps in — about history, leadership, gender roles, or shifting standards? That’s when faith becomes complicated. That’s when commitment wavers. And that’s when I learned something vital: not everyone’s spiritual journey looks the same — and that’s okay.

I now choose to walk with grace. To let go of judgment. To seek understanding. And to hold tightly to the gospel of Jesus Christ — not as I was told to believe, but as I’ve come to know Him: full of love, inclusion, and mercy for all His children, regardless of gender, race, religion, or background.

This blog is about growth. It’s about finding freedom in faith and building something personal, something real. If you’re on a similar path, you are not alone.