Daily Reflections #1: The Married Life

Today was the National Heroes Day, the 28th of August. It was a holiday. We stayed at home and finished all the chores. It was a very productive day for me. I was able to clean the house which includes our front terrace, the kitchen, the comfort room, our room and the living room. I'm loving Lysol disinfectant. It keeps our house fresh all day! A clean house is one of the simple joys I enjoy a lot. I feel tired right now since it's already 11:00 in the evening. Everyone is asleep.

I was feeling so down for the past few weeks. I didn't understand why I was so moody. I was very vulnerable to all the negativity around me. Until last Friday, my monthly visitor finally came. Being a woman is tough. The changes in our body and the hormones are unpredictable. I don't want to blame these two for all my rudeness, sadness and grumpiness. But I'm realizing more how important it is to keep our spirit stronger than our physical body. The truth is, with this battle, I easily give up.

So tonight, my reflections will be about my realizations on being married. I've been married for only 2 years and 9 months now so my journey is still a long way to go. My purpose in writing this is for the benefit of my children.I hope one day when they'll encounter the same things I had during the early years of our marriage, they'll be comforted and strengthened in any way possible.

1. Acceptance. Men always want to be accepted. When you tell them what they're supposed to do, they feel that you are trying to change them. My older married sisters counseled me that the faster you can accept things, the happier you will be. I guess the hardest fact to accept for me is when your husband makes the same mistake over and over again. Whether you'll get mad or forgive instantly, he will still commit the same errors simply because he is not perfect. Accepting certain truths in our marriage easily is the key to a peaceful, respectful relationship. I learned that I need to be merciful just like how our Father in Heaven is so forgiving of the same mistakes we do over and over again.

2. Love your in-laws. This doesn't only pertain to our parents-in-law but also the brothers and the sisters in law. I realized that men find it hard to balance or to set limitations between his family and his wife now that he is married. Sometimes he does things unconsciously that may hurt either side. I am not sure if this is true for all women out there but for me, my husband's loyalty is so important to me. I realized that it'll take time to earn this. He will still be loyal to his family during your early marriage. He is protective of them. But the goof thing is that the way your husband loves his family will also be the same way he will love you and your children.  Although this is a fact, I still considered myself lucky because I have great parents-in law.

3. You cannot complain you're tired. Being a mom is another story.  I learned that being married is more of being a mom. I said this because it is also my number 1 obligation to take good care of my husband. Mothers are truly the light of each home. When you're happy, everyone is happy. And when you're down, everyone is sad. What?!!!! There were many times when I complained a lot about this because I feel like I didn't have the right to express any negative emotions. I have to stay positive 24/7.  I comfort everyone but it seems like no one is there to comfort me.  This experience taught me the true meaning of the divinity of being a woman. True success comes when we yield our will to the Father's will. This is what He wants each of his daughter to pass through because being a mother and a wife is the path to Godhood. This is how our Savior lived his life while He was on earth. Like a mother, Jesus dedicated His life to serving others. A mother serves daily and gives her life for the benefit of her eternal family.

4. Respectful communication is the key. I am still learning how to be a good communicator. This is so challenging!!! Women want to be heard all the time but men's listening ears have a schedule or vice versa. Couples should really learn how to communicate with each other skillfully. I'm on my journey to becoming a better communicator and I hope to share this experience with all of the women someday. This is one skill I would like to advocate in the future because I believe that miscommunication is the number problem in the world today. Everyone wants to talk but no one wants to listen. If only we will listen to each other, maybe more wars and fights will subdue. I realized that often people who want to speak all the time are self-centered. They care so much about their feelings but overlook the importance of the feelings of others. Understanding someone fully is an indication of a better communicator.

5. Team work and say it. Don't wait for your spouse to guess the kind of help you need. Say it but say it with love. Don't be so demanding or don't start by bragging things you have accomplished already. It is important that you live your lives based on how things will work best for both but never on the expectations of the people around you. Each marriage is different from each other. Our journey on this earth is designed specifically based on our individual needs.

I often hear married couples say, it's hard but it's worth. Today I echo the same statement. Married life is a constant process of getting to know your husband and children and learn how to live with them in harmony and love. As I look at them tonight, I feel so much joy that I have them and I feel so grateful that I chose to have them. Truly, our family makes this imperfect world a piece of heaven on earth.