Why Suppressing Our Emotions Hurts Us: From the Workplace to Everyday Life

Why Suppressing Our Emotions Hurts Us: From the Workplace to Everyday Life

At work today, it’s common to see this: during meetings, when leaders ask, “Any questions or thoughts to share?” the room goes silent. Everyone shakes their head. But the moment the meeting ends, the floodgates open—questions, concerns, and frustrations come rushing out in hallways, chats, or private conversations.

This pattern isn’t only at work. In religion, many of us are taught to forgive those who offend us even repeatedly – sometimes confusing forgiveness with tolerating wrongdoing, all in the name of peace and harmony. Children, too, often grow up afraid to make mistakes, fearing judgment, punishment, or shame. And so, we learn early to suppress our feelings, to keep quiet even when we are hurting, and to “bury” what we feel (Medina, 2001; Pargament & Cummings, 2010).

But here’s the truth: no matter how hard we try to bury our emotions, they will always find a way to surface. Suppressed emotions don’t disappear; they transform into heavier burdens that affect our mental health, our relationships, and even our physical well-being.

Historical Roots of Emotional Suppression in Filipino Culture

The Filipino tendency to keep feelings inside, avoid direct confrontation, and suppress emotions has deep cultural, historical, and social roots. It is indeed linked to colonial history, social hierarchies, and religion, but also to pre-colonial values.

Even before colonization, Filipinos deeply valued smooth interpersonal relations, guided by the principles of kapwa(shared identity) and pakikisama (getting along with others), where avoiding conflict and prioritizing the group over the self were essential to preserving harmony within the barangay or village. Alongside this, the cultural trait of hiya (a sense of shame) encouraged individuals to be cautious about speaking up or acting in ways that might embarrass themselves or others, reinforcing the importance of respect, restraint, and community harmony in everyday life.

Spanish, American, & Japanese Colonization (1521–1946, 425 years)

During Spanish colonization (1521–1898), strict social hierarchies placed colonizers at the top, followed by the principalia (local elites) and then commoners, teaching ordinary Filipinos not to challenge authority or speak out against superiors. Christianity further emphasized obedience, humility, and silent endurance of suffering, with public dissent often viewed as disobedience to both church and state, while fear of punishment—whether through shame in church or penalties from officials—reinforced silence. Under American rule (1898–1946), democratic ideals and public education were introduced, yet respect for hierarchy and avoidance of confrontation persisted, as people were encouraged to remain polite, respectful, and not overly assertive toward authority. This pattern deepened during the Japanese occupation (1941–1945), when silence and obedience often meant survival, further embedding the cultural habit of suppressing one’s thoughts and emotions.



Family, Religion, and Social Structures

Within Filipino family and social structures, children are raised to respect elders through utang na loob (debt of gratitude) and paggalang (respect), which often discourages questioning authority and creates a pattern of silence that extends into adulthood. This is reinforced by pakikisama (smooth relations), where avoiding conflict in the family, workplace, and community is seen as essential for unity, while speaking up risks being labeled disrespectful or divisive. Christianity further strengthened these values by upholding patience, sacrifice, humility, and forgiveness, often praising quiet suffering as noble, while church authority discouraged questioning, making silence not only a social norm but also a moral and religious expectation.


The Impact of Emotional Suppression on Mind, Body, Relationships, and Society

In modern times, Filipinos often display a “colonial mentality,” valuing foreign authority over their own voice, while workplace and political cultures mirror rigid hierarchies where subordinates hesitate to speak up, normalizing emotional suppression through humor, indirect speech, or silence. This silence carries heavy consequences: mentally, it can lead to depression, anxiety, emotional numbness, irritability, and low self-worth; relationally, it causes isolation, communication breakdowns, and even passes unhealed trauma to the next generation; physically, long-term stress weakens immunity, contributes to heart disease, and manifests as headaches, fatigue, or stomach issues; and over time, the risks deepen as unprocessed pain embeds itself in thought patterns, fuels unhealthy coping mechanisms like addiction or overeating, and makes healing more difficult, often hardening into bitterness or regret.

Bridging the Gap: Processing Our Emotions

The challenge is not that we feel deeply—it’s that we don’t process our feelings in healthy ways. Suppression may seem safer in the moment, but it robs us of the chance to heal.

For me, journaling has been a powerful tool. Over the years, it has taught me self-awareness—the ability to sweep through the whole picture, identify what is real, and separate facts from overthinking. Some thoughts may be true, some may be false, but taking time to write them down gives clarity. Journaling also helps me reflect on how I reacted: What did I do right? What could I have done better? This practice doesn’t erase pain, but it allows me to face it, name it, and release it.

When we learn to process emotions healthily—whether through journaling, talking to trusted people, therapy, prayer, or creative expression—we break the cycle of silence. We honor both ourselves and others by acknowledging pain and creating space for healing.

In the end, silence may feel like peace, but true peace comes from courage—the courage to process, express, and heal.